初见
30/11/2025 当时的我在巴塞罗那机场，准备登机回马耳他
约会
第一次 04/12/2025
地点是House of Flavours
2个人一顿晚餐2瓶红酒，他非常紧张，我觉得很舒服，没有任何莫名其妙的举动，当时非常绅士，帮忙穿外套，开门关门的
第二次 17/12/2025
从波兰和匈牙利回来后很临时的约，在车上决定去Birgu
在waterfront前纠结后决定去某家餐厅pizza，吃饱后还吃了冰淇淋当饭后甜品，又是半夜到家的一次
第三次 20/12/2025
一整天的外出, 先去了Smart City，因为没去过，想看看，街没逛多少。倒是在户外躺着cuddle了。买了一套饰品送我，逛够了不想回去，倒是去了Marsaskala走走拍照，然后又吃饭了。吃完沿着海岸线散步，再分别。。。
第四次 22/12/2025
Bahar ic-Caghaq
第五次 06/01/2025
Mdina
表白的要求与实现
11/01 落地到家，在WA上说了不能不明不白的在一起
13/01 下班送上手写信，巧克力，小兰花盆栽
14/01 哭了好久，一番纠结，还是答应了，而不是等待2个月后的回来
见朋友家长
16/01 Maria & Roderick @ Chappels
17/01 Jana & Jason @ Sliema
01/02 Anne's Birthday
27/03 Anne & Andre drop by for foods, 1st met Pixie
03/04 Anne & Andre drop by for Airport Pick Up
23/04 Cousin's visit & BBQ day
01/05 Andrew's Birthday on Boat
旅行
第一次是意大利比萨 09-11/01/2026
第二次是瑞典Stockholm 我的生日 21-25/01/2026
他的亚洲长途独旅 06/02 - 03/04/2026
过夜留宿
1月除了2个周末一起旅行，一个周末聚会后一起睡，另一个周末因为birthday lunch也是一起睡。后来的4月、5月，都在3处到处睡 - Mellieha / Santa Venera / Boat
有的时候是下班后过去，周一或二work from home后回来
后来天天进office，只能周五过去，周日回来拿电脑再去他santa venera屋子睡一晚。
在船上也睡了两周末。
情绪
已经忘了多少次在他面前哭泣，每一次没有理由的作，幸好他有耐心。。。
他不喜欢我藏着掩着，但是我终究把理由放在各种事情，原生家庭、星座等不敢说不敢表达。
未来，等见面细谈后再看如何？
跟shermen & kah ling的上班摸鱼落泪
* 你跟他开心吗？肯定是开心的
* 想过未来吗？偶而会有吧
* 如果今天不是他，是另个人，会跟他有发展的可能吗？ 没想过其他人
* 不谈婚姻，未来的五年十年的蓝图，他有在里面吗？ 没想过未来未来，我连自己的未来都没有，怎么包含他？
* 回到家，没有他的踪迹，会觉得怪怪吗？会
* 看到好吃的，好玩的，想跟他分享吗？ 会
* 有想要跟他聊今天发生什么事吗，大大小小的。嗯嗯 每天都在跟他说各种事
每个人都不一样，为什么你要烦所谓的标准？感情很简单的，不需要改变自己，或做理想中的自己迎合任何人，也不需要烦东烦喜的。
想分享，他在。
想黏贴贴，他在。
想抱怨，他在。
想放纵，他在。
[6/11/2026] Shermen Low (TARC):
- 你为什么要给自己架上那么多枷锁
- 另一方面，我觉得，你可能开始从试试的状态步入感情稳定状态。。。你看到他为你的付出，而你自己还不确定要不要稳定下来，所以你会有这些顾虑。。。你真的需要和他交心。。。你要问问你自己的心
- 这段感情是不是真的你所求，如果不是，你更要趁早和他说明
- 好过你这样吊着她，这样你就很渣了
- 所以不多说，感情这回事没人可以帮到你，你真的需要静下来，想想，不要给自己套框框，不要给自己设太多的假象。。。然后，和他谈谈
- 一开始你也是抱着试试的态度和他开始，可能一开始你没有想到要发展到这么长远？然后，到了现在感情步入稳定，你开始想，或者害怕他是不是你生命中的那个人？然后你也可能开始幻想以后走下去的一些困难？可能你也一直看到他的付出，开始在想着接下来的事情？最重要的是，你不确定这个人是不是那个给你安全感的人。。。
- 可是照你这么说，那个人应该就是，你就是不确定,到处找人confirm
- 不要逃避问题，去解决问题。。。与其这里纠结，直接找他，情况真的没有那么糟糕
- 你是不相信自己有多勇敢！你觉得你一个女生跑到那么远的地方独自生活很容易吗？至少我觉得不是。。。所以我觉得你很厉害。。。这么多年，我看到的是果断，说一就是一，想要什么样的观点，你会直说
- 你为什么要把自己想到那么弱，想到那么委屈
- 自己开心就好啊，不要想那么多，干嘛要受着。。。就算那个真话是他不喜欢的，说出来至少他知道啊！
- 没有人一生下来就懂什么是爱情啊！你自己想要什么样的感情，你自己去争取啊！你委委屈屈的，他哪里会懂！就算是吵个架，又如何！至少给他知道你在怕！
- 如果不合适，就分开罢了！我如果是那个男的，真的会被你这种吊着胃口的女人感到莫名其妙！你真的很庆幸，他还在问你为什么一直哭😔
- 怕就逃避，不是你的性格。。。而且，我也觉得你不像是烂好人的性格。。。你不要把你妈妈拿来做借口，你平时就看不惯你妈妈依附你爸爸
[6/11/2026] Kah Ling (TARC):
- 我可以说吗？你这算逃避吗？还是自己太多无意义的疑虑 🤔
- 与其你在这边烦该怎样，为什么2不跟他把话说开？
- 你对未来目标不明确，可是的的确确是对他有感情的，我会一边探索，一边跟你在一起，这样不会给他更有安全感吗？
- 说真的，你可以有自己的退路，可是你要让他懂，你的bottomline在哪里 😅
- 坦白讲，他现在在self confusion, and this self confusion from U leh
- Isn't he damn sad 🤣
- And why the self confusion from U, because U in Ur own self confusion too, and U didn't tell him
- Can see the bad cycle now?
- 在感情坦白，只有益处，没有坏处。
- 人... 不是为自己而活的吗？为什么要改变自己成全别人，凭什么
- 与其委屈自己，不如为难别人 😅
- 似乎习惯了适应任何人 任何地方
- 怎样都好，我不觉得这是你应该对他隐隐瞒瞒的理由，你改不改变自己，说白了，自己爽而已。可是不应该把焦虑套在另一个人身上。
- 这样跟你是好人，可是我不配的拒绝方式有什么不一样？ 😅
- 只能祝你加油，记得不要再把话题拖下去，有话就当晚说开。
- 感情就像储蓄机，开心的幸福的 = deposit
- 焦虑的失望的 = withdrawal
- 你一直让他处于焦虑状态，你的credit会用完的
- 坦白说，家庭因素或者星座测验不是你拿来逃避的借口，你现在给我的感觉是无病呻吟，别人问你什么事，你就推卸说，你不明白，因为你不是这个家庭出来的
- 理清自己，看清自己，这是一个大人该做的事，跟家庭无关，跟恋爱无关
11/06 的深度剖析自我
- I think i start with the mindset of let's give it a try. Since i never being in a relationship, and was told that the worst outcome is broke up. I think i should give it a try... Since i feel comfortable with you, why not just try. That why i said yes .
- This is why i used to say a lot of "it is a test for us". Because i dont trust me and you. Consistent shown by times...
- Times passed, we speak everything on phone for the 2 months, we meet every weekend and spent great quality time
- I get attached to you, love you more. The try try mindset is changed.
- I getting worried on losing you and u knew my bad intention at beginning.
- You mentioned about committed relationship. i have no clue what it means, but i dont see other men or trying to see other option around. Im happy with you around me, see you doing thing (cook, fix thing, spearfish, play games, take care of me and pixie), act fun or joke around etc. Seeing you with Anne and Andrew way of living is very new lifestyle to me.
- Relationship used to be some thing that never in my mind. I always pro-single life. When friends knew i in love with you, they got so shocked because i always say single life is the best. Freedom and easy. No need take care another person.
- The reason i start download the dating apps was to experience (in a plain words was why human need sex). You knew i met 2 men before you (just one night dating) but after we went pisa and recent months, i think the 1st man not even manage to make me wet. The 2nd man manage to put in but i dont enjoy at all. At 1 point, i want thinking, so this is called sex and what to enjoy for?
- If you said sex is part of a relationship, i think we are compatible and i really enjoy with you. sometimes, i want to see n know how naughty we can be. By now, u know i can be very naughty as well. I think you worry more than me on this and your performance 🤣
- For future, i have no plans and no clue. I have no plans until i cant say if i include you in my future plans or not. Because i dont even know where am I and i just go with the flow.
- I dont know where i intend to live long for future. Im open to the world but subject to employment condition since i need monthly income to survive Because no huge savings. I dont know will i live long in Malta or will back to Malaysia.
- I afraid that if i really be serious with you, is that mean i have to live in malta and lost the freedom to choose anywhere in the world if opportunity comes in future? We knew and agreed that long distance relationship is not for us. I knew your parents are rely on you and you cant just move easily as well. That is the reality and make me even more afraid if i decide to leave Malta in future, will it mean i have to let go you? Or becsuse of you, i have to force myself to stay in Malta?
- I dont know am i ready to settle down in a country and with a person? I used to think that the best way to choose is to explore different opportunity. But i knew im too late to explore. At age of 30+, people dating for settle down. But i just to try, have fun have sex but no marriage. This is very bitch mindset. My life is just starting since 2019, i dont want to be stable as in you can see what is in the future and it is what it is. I want it flexible and can have challenge and be fun before i die one day
- I care my freedom. I want you , care you but i want myself as well. I dont want tell you everything because i csnt predict your reaction and might lose you.
- Im selfish and care myself more than anyone in some cases. I afraid that if i tell you all these and you will run away. But i really enjoy time spend with you. I cant imagine if u no longer speak to me and i back to my life like before... although i do miss the time to stay home and bake or cook. Maybe we can do this together more?
- It is my 1st time to have patient to watch netflix in home from start to end. The cartoon and the one piece. Im happy that you bring new experience to me. Include playing with pixie and on the boats.
- If i want to stay long in malta, i should start prepare myself for long term residency although part of the requirement i-belong is in suspense due to changes. This is never something i could imagine or expected. Last year, my friend keep teling me i should start but i said im nit interested because no reason for me to stay long.
- Malta is good and i love it. The sea and the freedom i gain here. The skill and time (24hr) i gains here is not replaceable. But sometimes it is so small and i get bored on no where to do or to go. Partially i knew is because i have no financial support to own a car here and it is huge cost for me alone when i had the loan to repay. I dont use car much because i walk to office and i know nothing for car when it require repairs or maintenance. Is partially my own fault, want to keep things simple and the mindset of run away anytime.
For move in, i think is still early for now. I need a back up plan to feel safe in foreign country. I have no ones to help or support if anything happens. I dont even have a close friend in malta to speak every day or every week. If i all in (like gamble) with you, i start feel afraid.
原来他是想要同居，甚至结婚的。。。
[6/11/2026] Jesmond:
- Thank you for finally opening up, this is nothing new apart from the fact that you are open to stay in malta 😍
- I understand, i suggested that cause of two things,
- I wanted to know how serious you are taking this and
- To see if i can make things easier for us since we are a bit far from each other, but i totally respect that xxx
- Well there is a lot to go thru and i think we should do it in person xxx but i am not running away from you babe and all i want is for you to be happy
- Marriage is an option, i joke around it a lot and i know i shouldnt, but some time i will convince you to marry me so you cant worry that you will lose me haha
- i joke but i woule love to marry you one day xxx
- The truth is i would want to one day if i manage to convince you xxx and that would also make life easier for both, no more doubts, both fight life together, we are always stronger xxx
- But its to early for me
- I am still finding my footing with you and before i know for sure you are happy i would never propose xxx
- If i get the opportunity to rent svr will you get offended? As i was hoping we move in someday but as you said you not ready and thats totally fine
- No one is perfect and thats important to see, that you are able to live with all the things you dont like in the other person
- So far i have no doubt we are compatable, and you are amazing when you cook and take care of me 🥰 i hope you feel the same way towards me xxx
我想我能接受的同居大概是暂时性的，房子仍保留着，先试试再说。。。而我的底线在哪？我真不知道。。。
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